I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
