Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
