wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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