God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
