come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
