You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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