These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
