Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
