Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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