I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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