the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
