I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i now understand why vodka
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
