I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
