Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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