ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
