So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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