I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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