so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
