Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
