I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
