i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
