i don't like sucking hair
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
