Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
