Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
