Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
