True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
