Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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