My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
