Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I see more hoeing in ur future
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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