i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
