Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
