I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is my gift to your gina
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
