i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
