Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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