I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
