obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
