So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
