yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
