dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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