i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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