I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
