how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it was like eating out sand paper
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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