very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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