I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
