Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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