Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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