Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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