i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
