found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
