i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
